Juz emotions taking me over

Why does every word that comes from you stir my heart so?

You say you are looking forward to my coming, yet your actions seem otherwise
Is it you just being polite?

For the past year, everyday, I missed you, I thought of you, I looked forward to the day when I will meet you. Yet I don’t know if its mutual, I guess not. You seem to have dismissed me so easily.

You take days to reply. You say sorry but do you mean it?

I hate it that I have such intense feelings for you yet…after all that yearning, is a broken promise and a disappointed me. Yes I know its good for your career. But can’t you stay just a few weeks more over there? When I can come meet you again and you fulfill your promise? I ask God, intensely that the promise will be fulfilled. WIth all my heart and soul, I hope it does..

Random thoughts: I never expected that some people have the ability to leave their footprints when before, I thought they wouldn’t even matter. As much as I would like to deny it, things will never been the same again.

Sometimes I wished we never met

Sometimes I’m glad we did

Sometimes I think of us and get sad

Then memories become bittersweet

You left your footprints in my heart

Everytime you did something sweet

I left a piece of me with you

Everytime you said something romantic

You made me like you a little more

Whenever I discovered things we both adore

You made me like you a little more

Whenever  you looked perfect in what you wore

Even when you are not by my side

Far away and out of sight

I remembered the night you confide

How much you would love to see the city lights

I took it to heart and made sure

that you would remember the last night you were here

I searched and brought you to a special place

Just to fulfil your wish and see the smile on your face

You whispered to me that you are so happy

That I’ve brought you here, such a romantic place to be

At that moment, my world  was just you and me

Others were around but I couldn’t see

Yes, we now have a precious and unforgettable memory

On the eve of the day that you were supposed to leave

My heart and mind were in disbelief

So soon, so short, I didn’t want you to go

Come back soon my dear friend, I’ll miss you so

Those were my last words to you before I said goodbye

While trying hard to not let myself cry

Just like the rain falling from the sky

I’ll miss you too, you suddenly reply

This last sweet word from you before we said an abrupt goodbye

I hope and wished with all my heart, that it’s not a lie

No, I’m not in love with you

But is this truly how I feel?

When people tease and people ask

I tell them: No, I’m most certainly not in love with you

It’s just infatuation, it’s just a phase

I’ll gradually get over you some day

It may be tomorrow or far away

But I’ll learn to unlove you somehow, some way

For we are too different and you have your love

I won’t allow to get myself hurt

To myself, I cannot lie, as much as I may try to deny

Yes,  perhaps I did fall in love, but…

Something’s telling me it’s not you

Some tugging in my heart that said Mel, don’t be a fool

He was never meant for you

My fairy tale prince has yet to appear

When he does, he would always be here

As appealing as you may seem to be

Somehow I knew you were never meant for me

You may be wonderful or so but it seems

You were meant to be someone else’s prince

So settle down my heart and patiently await

He who is being prepared by Someone great

Who knows just what I need in a soulmate

It’s been a while. Been immersing myself in taking a degree course. Keep the mind bz to stop it from wandering, at least for the next 3 yrs to come!

I think..my heart died..

What does freedom in Christ mean to you? Was reading a book on the bus and I wondered about what that meant. I think my immediate thought says it means you are free from Sin. I didn’t explore further whenever I thought about this in the past.

However, came across a small part of a book and it was saying that “freedom in Christ” is the ability to be able to choose to NOT sin. I pondered further. We are captives/slaves to Sin before Christ came and freed us. With this freedom, it does not mean that we are people who cannot sin, rather people who have the choice to choose & that set us apart.

Non-Christians always have this mis-conception about us. They think we are unable to sin because we are redeemed in Christ. So they become extremely critical of Christians who do wrong, raising the bar higher for Christians. They think God is holy, so we are holy. If we sin, we are bad, so we are following a bad God.

My parents for example, would always use my Christian status against me. If I did something unfavorable in their eyes, they would go like this “Did your Christian God teach u to be like this? or Christian can be like this? Thought you are holy people?” If that same thing was done by my brother (a non-Christian), they would keep quiet and just let go of it. It is extremely frustrating but nothing can be done at that point to explain things when you know you are in the company of mockers. Attempts to explain would simply go unheard.

Well, it’s late now. Will followup on this topic again.

Been a while since I wrote. I figured that there was nothing worth blogging over. Oh well, shall update about some ups and downs. A very important update here: A very prophetic minister of the Lord came to the church and boy..she was really filled with the Spirit. She told me that the devil had covered me with a cloak of depression which took my joy in the Lord but that is over and I was prophesied to become a joyful preacher.

I have no doubt about the prophesy. I have been going through a depressive time for a very long time and I know very firmly that once my joy in the Lord is gone, I will slip. That was what happened to me. So, the prophesy of the joyful preacher, that I was sure, would come about in God’s time. Undergoing a bit of discipleship with the girl who brought me back to that church. She is a patient girl who shows a genuine interest in my life and my bible sessions with her have shown both of us a lot of things. I am glad and thankful that God sent her along to help pick me up where I was down.

My boss is meeting me tomorrow. I’m putting it in God’s hands that I will go through it smoothly!

It’s my 2nd visit to the church today. Indeed, it has changed. The church I used to attend, closed down due to many issues, mainly to do with the leadership. But the church’s youth group was growing at a steady rate during that time. The adult fellowship was dispersed to many churches. But the youths remain and they built and sustained the church under a new vision, a new name, a new location, a new beginning. The church, as many of their youths tell me, is a church that moves with the Spirit, all of them were gifted in something that i can see clearly, with the gift of tongues, prophecy, leadership, music.

Especially the music. I was with the music ministry last time. But worship sessions never felt as filled with the Spirit as the 2 short sessions I have attended so far. I’mm glad God let the youths take over the church and gave it new life.

I’m beginning to think..this is the place where God wants me to be. 🙂

I just have to share this testimony here!!

Background:
For the past week, I’ve suddenly got my nerve pain back from the slip disc on the other side of my body. I suspect it was due to the back massager I used. So it was back to physio and this time it is not covered by the company, since I reached the cap last time. I expect to have to go back for another 3 sessions at least..so each session will cost me $65..total about $260.

Then on Sunday, I went to the dentist for fillings. I was told it would cost $60. When I got the bill, I got a shock..it was $240!!! It’s $60 for each tooth. Felt so cheated. So out of the blue, I had accumulated $300 in unexpected expenditure and another $200 coming. I was feeling so stressed coz I’ve used the budget for the party in one shot.

Miracle Part 1:
Then yesterday, while feeling vexed, I picked up the Daily Bread on my office desk. Flipping it, I suddenly felt like asking God that I am feeling very vexed..I don’t know what to pray for..please..speak to me about anything I need you to talk to me about! While praying I flipped the booklet left n right and ask God to stop me at the appropriate. Guess what happened?

I stopped at an entry on Aug 11 2009. It started with questions. I’m quoting out of context, but its the gist of it. “Am I a constant worrier? Am I worried about the future, debts, bills, health etc” Thunder n lightning struck in my mind..Oh my goodness..God is speaking to me! It immediately came to my mind of how I have been troubled over all of the above for the past week and I was at a complete loss at how I was gonna make it through the month till the next payday.

Now we all know there’s a teaching in every entry, this one was Cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you..You can imagine I was awed n speechless n excited. Reflecting further, it also talked about trust (my central, forever issue that He has to reinforce in me from time to time) in Him.
I decided to put my faith in His word because I know He just spoke to my heart. I prayed and told Him,

Dear Lord, I know you are speaking to me, I will take it in faith that You will take care of my worries, be it finance or health or anything that worries me, I believe that as long as I live by Your word to cast my cares upon You, You who cares for me, will take care of everything. I do not see how that will happen now, but by faith, I am placing my trust in You, no matter what happens, you are my Provider!

With that, I closed the matter in my heart that God will take care of my worries.

Miracle Part 2:
Today..my boss came. He came with a surprise for us..the “envelope” that we have all been eagerly waiting for and expecting to get in Jun. Just in time! It will be released to us this month..Yippee..my financial woes are OVER!!! My prayer yesterday immediately came to mind. God is SO GOOD and TIMELY!!!

Miracle Part 3:
This is about my nerve pain, although it is still there, pain has become minimal in a rather short period of time after just 1 session of physio, that to me is a miracle because the pain at its worst, was killing me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hasn’t happened yet, but I believe God will heal me in His time.
So I thank Him for His Providence and want to share this testimony with as many ppl as possible that my sweet, sweet Lord is a wonderful Lord who knows me when I don’t know myself, who provides for me what I need, who cares for me when it seems like no one does and who sees the big picture and is able to make everything beautiful in His time.

Hallelujah!! Praise and Glory unto His Name!

我曾说过，谁对我好，我会对他更好。谁对我怀，我会双倍奉还。这就是我对人的态度。在我的FB上也是这么写着。最近正在筹备我的生日派对，邀请了好多人，其中包括。。。他。

我看到了email notification, 犹豫了一会儿，他写了什么？会不会来？结果，他拒绝了。因为他还在中国，无法参与。可是，却很贴心的在FB留了祝福的msg. 天啊！你能不能别对我这么残忍？你对我的好，让我想对你更好。这样不是回到square 1?

我已经决心。。。放了。你这样的举动，会让我的决心动摇，难道你不知道吗？我想如果你像别人一样，就选择“不去”，不就成了？还写那么贴心的话。。。

别再对我好，能吗？

我，困惑。

I absolutely ABHOR the thought of making promises I do not keep, so I don’t make empty promises. When I make a promise, it’s the REAL DEAL. So, the least I ask of a friend, is to give me THAT RESPECT and if you make me a promise you keep it. Simple as that.

Some people however, are IMMENSELY irritating. Not only do they break their promise, they in turn, cause you break yours to your friend and land you in this kind of situation, which in short, is WORSE than me breaking a promise on my own.
And the worst thing? You take it so lightly as if it meant nothing to you.

Just because we are friends for so long, doesn’t mean you are privileged enough to step where you are not allowed to step on.

Just not too long ago, you ask me to help you with getting discounts with my uncle, I got it for you. Went the extra mile to get some more when I felt that the discount was too little. Yet, at the end of it, you told me you CHANGED YOUR MIND about it and decided to purchase from my uncle’s RIVAL business. I bet you never even put yourself in my shoes to think that I am owing my uncle a favour for YOUR sake..how selfish can you get? VERY.

It’s always about you, you YOU. HUH? Even my going for a retreat, putting the photos up, the buzz was about your upcoming bday at the same location rather than how the retreat went.
It’s always about you.

Problem with your in-law family? It’s about you ultimately. AGAIN, AS USUAL, nothing new. It’s you being YOU.

Only you can give Such an ‘endearing’ show of your respect for our friendship.