Juz emotions taking me over

Why does every word that comes from you stir my heart so?

You say you are looking forward to my coming, yet your actions seem otherwise
Is it you just being polite?

For the past year, everyday, I missed you, I thought of you, I looked forward to the day when I will meet you. Yet I don’t know if its mutual, I guess not. You seem to have dismissed me so easily.

You take days to reply. You say sorry but do you mean it?

I hate it that I have such intense feelings for you yet…after all that yearning, is a broken promise and a disappointed me. Yes I know its good for your career. But can’t you stay just a few weeks more over there? When I can come meet you again and you fulfill your promise? I ask God, intensely that the promise will be fulfilled. WIth all my heart and soul, I hope it does..

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Random thoughts: I never expected that some people have the ability to leave their footprints when before, I thought they wouldn’t even matter. As much as I would like to deny it, things will never been the same again.

 

Sometimes I wished we never met

Sometimes I’m glad we did

Sometimes I think of us and get sad

Then memories become bittersweet

 

You left your footprints in my heart

Everytime you did something sweet

I left a piece of me with you

Everytime you said something romantic

 

You made me like you a little more

Whenever I discovered things we both adore

You made me like you a little more

Whenever  you looked perfect in what you wore

 

Even when you are not by my side

Far away and out of sight

I remembered the night you confide

How much you would love to see the city lights

 

I took it to heart and made sure

that you would remember the last night you were here

I searched and brought you to a special place

Just to fulfil your wish and see the smile on your face

 

You whispered to me that you are so happy

That I’ve brought you here, such a romantic place to be

At that moment, my world  was just you and me

Others were around but I couldn’t see

Yes, we now have a precious and unforgettable memory

 

On the eve of the day that you were supposed to leave

My heart and mind were in disbelief

So soon, so short, I didn’t want you to go

Come back soon my dear friend, I’ll miss you so

 

Those were my last words to you before I said goodbye

While trying hard to not let myself cry

Just like the rain falling from the sky

I’ll miss you too, you suddenly reply

This last sweet word from you before we said an abrupt goodbye

I hope and wished with all my heart, that it’s not a lie

 

No, I’m not in love with you

But is this truly how I feel?

When people tease and people ask

I tell them: No, I’m most certainly not in love with you

 

It’s just infatuation, it’s just a phase

I’ll gradually get over you some day

It may be tomorrow or far away

But I’ll learn to unlove you somehow, some way

 

For we are too different and you have your love

I won’t allow to get myself hurt

To myself, I cannot lie, as much as I may try to deny

 

Yes,  perhaps I did fall in love, but…

Something’s telling me it’s not you

Some tugging in my heart that said Mel, don’t be a fool

He was never meant for you

 

My fairy tale prince has yet to appear

When he does, he would always be here

As appealing as you may seem to be

Somehow I knew you were never meant for me

 

You may be wonderful or so but it seems

You were meant to be someone else’s prince

So settle down my heart and patiently await

He who is being prepared by Someone great

Who knows just what I need in a soulmate

Wazzup

Posted on: March 9, 2010

It’s been a while. Been immersing myself in taking a degree course. Keep the mind bz to stop it from wandering, at least for the next 3 yrs to come!

I think..my heart died..

What does freedom in Christ mean to you? Was reading a book on the bus and I wondered about what that meant. I think my immediate thought says it means you are free from Sin. I didn’t explore further whenever I thought about this in the past.

However, came across a small part of a book and it was saying that “freedom in Christ” is the ability to be able to choose to NOT sin. I pondered further. We are captives/slaves to Sin before Christ came and freed us. With this freedom, it does not mean that we are people who cannot sin, rather people who have the choice to choose & that set us apart.

Non-Christians always have this mis-conception about us. They think we are unable to sin because we are redeemed in Christ. So they become extremely critical of Christians who do wrong, raising the bar higher for Christians. They think God is holy, so we are holy. If we sin, we are bad, so we are following a bad God.

My parents for example, would always use my Christian status against me. If I did something unfavorable in their eyes, they would go like this “Did your Christian God teach u to be like this? or Christian can be like this? Thought you are holy people?” If that same thing was done by my brother (a non-Christian), they would keep quiet and just let go of it. It is extremely frustrating but nothing can be done at that point to explain things when you know you are in the company of mockers. Attempts to explain would simply go unheard.

Well, it’s late now. Will followup on this topic again.

Been a while since I wrote. I figured that there was nothing worth blogging over. Oh well, shall update about some ups and downs. A very important update here: A very prophetic minister of the Lord came to the church and boy..she was really filled with the Spirit. She told me that the devil had covered me with a cloak of depression which took my joy in the Lord but that is over and I was prophesied to become a joyful preacher.

I have no doubt about the prophesy. I have been going through a depressive time for a very long time and I know very firmly that once my joy in the Lord is gone, I will slip. That was what happened to me. So, the prophesy of the joyful preacher, that I was sure, would come about in God’s time. Undergoing a bit of discipleship with the girl who brought me back to that church. She is a patient girl who shows a genuine interest in my life and my bible sessions with her have shown both of us a lot of things. I am glad and thankful that God sent her along to help pick me up where I was down.

My boss is meeting me tomorrow. I’m putting it in God’s hands that I will go through it smoothly!

It’s my 2nd visit to the church today. Indeed, it has changed. The church I used to attend, closed down due to many issues, mainly to do with the leadership. But the church’s youth group was growing at a steady rate during that time. The adult fellowship was dispersed to many churches. But the youths remain and they built and sustained the church under a new vision, a new name, a new location, a new beginning. The church, as many of their youths tell me, is a church that moves with the Spirit, all of them were gifted in something that i can see clearly, with the gift of tongues, prophecy, leadership, music.

Especially the music. I was with the music ministry last time. But worship sessions never felt as filled with the Spirit as the 2 short sessions I have attended so far. I’mm glad God let the youths take over the church and gave it new life.

I’m beginning to think..this is the place where God wants me to be. 🙂

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