Juz emotions taking me over

Forgive me

Posted on: January 2, 2006

Today, someone asked me why I wasn’t attending church anymore. I said that the environment was more family based and not suitable for me as a single adult. Everyone seems to be so focused on their families and I was left out. I feel I didn’t belong. She simply told me,’Well..you should be going to church to worship the Lord". This struck me. I thought of the following..

My focus was wrong. It was all about me, me and me. Just look at how many ‘I’ and ‘me’ I had in my reasons. The reason that I give people why I didn’t attend church was ‘it just wasn’t for ME’..I tried to go to another church, but felt I didn’t belong too. Wasn’t because God told me to move on to other places but it was about "ME" and "I", so where was God? He was definitely not in the 1st place.. 😦

I thought I will never fall into this trap because it was plain obvious that God should be the focus in our walk with Him, but I did fall without even realising why and when.

At this realisation, my heart broke. God never left, I did. Yet, I kept blaming Him for not giving me this and that, asking without understanding. Thinking my life is in a mess because He didn’t bless me, because He LEFT ME.. yet the Lord has always been blessing me with His word of promise in multiple verses that He will never leave me nor forsake me, I should trust in Him. My Christian testimony was based on that truth..Story of footprints, I was precious in his eyes, He will never leave me..

Yet I was so blinded that I failed to keep that timeless truth alive in me. I had it but it wasn’t in my heart..all this time, I felt that I was in a tunnel of darkness, in a pit where I am lost and without hope, now I see why.

Forgive me Father..

For my wrong focus, for not holding onto your truth, for misunderstanding you and your people. I asked for restoration yet it eluded me. I even wrote a song ‘If You Will’ as a cry for help, for restoring me to You. Now I understand why I didn’t get the answer I was seeking for. I wasn’t ready for it. Father, in your time, do what You will.

In Jesus’ name,



1 Response to "Forgive me"

hoi..wanna join us..we go to cornerstone together lor..pple quite ok and the pastor not bad..most importantly, we can keep a lookout for one another and make sure we are all there to worship god every week

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January 2006
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