Juz emotions taking me over

Today..I was enraged

Posted on: August 23, 2005

Read an article this morn entitled "Time to replace marriage with a cohabitation contract?” Was absolutely enraged by the immorality of the man who wrote the article. Any woman would be enraged. Any man who regards marriage unions as sanctified would be enraged. The writer painted all man as philanderers by nature and that women should compromise with this. What the h*ll is this nonsense? I wrote a long letter in response. (Have put it into bigger paragraphs here, to save space)

I refer to the report “Time to replace marriage with a cohabitation contract?” by Mr Wilson Wong.

“The concept of marriage was intended to protect women: It does nothing for the man.”

I find your idea of marriage distorted. Marriage is a commitment between both man and woman. If you feel that as a man, it is in his nature to stray and it is all right to do so after marriage, you have not understood the meaning of marriage. With marriage as a commitment, both parties have the responsibility to keep to that commitment to each other.

“Upon the solemnization of marriage, the husband and the wife shall be mutually bound to cooperate with each other in safeguarding the interest of the union and in caring and providing for the children”

The above is extracted from the Women’s Charter Section 46(1) in Singapore. Both husband and wife are mutually bound; it does not just happen to the man. The main responsibility that is expected along with marriage is to safeguard the union. This responsibility does not just belong to one. In the eyes of religion and the law, when a marital union is made, two are regarded as one. When one strays from marriage, regardless of the husband or the wife, both have failed their responsibilities.

Selfish desires overcome the sanctity and selfless spirit of the union. While it may be true that the wife may be at fault (in terms of behavior), to dump everything on the wife by saying that she failed to satisfy her husband, for the husband’s adulterous act is just plain immaturity and irresponsibility at work.

How does marriage do nothing for a man? It binds a man to his commitment, a commitment and responsibility that he made and took willingly, not under compulsion by anyone. A law or a rule only comes into effect when you break it. If in the case of a man committing adultery, why should the women not be protected? The law rules against men when it comes to committing acts such as adultery, neglect and abuse simply because society has the traditional concept that the husband, as the head of the household, is the stronger of the 2 sexes. Why should the consequences of breaking the law bother one, whose conscience is clear of such? In fact, the laws are meant to be a disciplinary measure against immorality.

What you talked about, wives losing their shape after childbirth, is yet another irresponsible concept. The process of having a child is not one-sided. Have you heard of any man telling his wife who conceived his child and lose their shape as a result that he finds her unattractive?

You speak of the legality of marriage and how men are bound by it, what about morality? Does morality not mean a thing to you? As society progresses, morality degenerates to such a level where it is fine for a man or woman to tolerate one’s partner’s fidelity? Without a sense of morality, humans will be no different from an animal, perhaps, even worse than an animal. We see examples of animals who stay with one mate and remain “widowed” after their mate passes away, yet, from what you say, man cannot live up to that which animals can?

“Woman should expect less from their man and understand that philandering is in his nature”

Why should women expect less when it is clear that the marital union is a mutual agreement? You said that the concept of marriage was intended to protect women and do nothing for the man. May I ask, what kind of protection does a woman receive, in your opinion? Financial security, you might say perhaps? Women today do not need to rely on men for their financial security. We have the skills and abilities to survive financially. Emotional security? I can’t see what kind of emotional security a man can offer a woman from the way you have painted the picture. 

What about the things such as difficult in laws and the physical pain of childbirth that women go through? What kind of pleasure can be derived out of stress, physical or emotional pain? If as stated in your article, that all men are philanderers by nature, then I ask, as I do not see, what kind of “protection” do today’s women get out of being married to such men?

Deriving from your statement “Given a second chance, most would rather cohabit – not least because the legal consequences are less serious”. Ultimately, it is just a fear of commitment and responsibility for those who hold that a cohabitation contract is better than a marriage.

“And it seems that the older a man gets, and the more he is confronted with his mortality, the more he desires to prove both to himself and maybe even to his friends – that he is still able to ‘perform’

Did it ever occur to you that aging is not something that only happens to men? It is more of the male ego at work for the man to desire to prove himself and age is just a convenient excuse.

What kind of values are we passing to the future generations if the morality and sanctity of marriage commitments are compromised? What kind of values are we giving to our future generations, that it is fine to forgo morality to fulfill selfish desires of the heart, knowing full well the consequences of that?

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1 Response to "Today..I was enraged"

wa.. so full of tots..which newspaper is it from?so your reply choosen to be published in newspaper yet?tell me when it does……….

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