What does freedom in Christ mean to you? Was reading a book on the bus and I wondered about what that meant. I think my immediate thought says it means you are free from Sin. I didn’t explore further whenever I thought about this in the past.

However, came across a small part of a book and it was saying that “freedom in Christ” is the ability to be able to choose to NOT sin. I pondered further. We are captives/slaves to Sin before Christ came and freed us. With this freedom, it does not mean that we are people who cannot sin, rather people who have the choice to choose & that set us apart.

Non-Christians always have this mis-conception about us. They think we are unable to sin because we are redeemed in Christ. So they become extremely critical of Christians who do wrong, raising the bar higher for Christians. They think God is holy, so we are holy. If we sin, we are bad, so we are following a bad God.

My parents for example, would always use my Christian status against me. If I did something unfavorable in their eyes, they would go like this “Did your Christian God teach u to be like this? or Christian can be like this? Thought you are holy people?” If that same thing was done by my brother (a non-Christian), they would keep quiet and just let go of it. It is extremely frustrating but nothing can be done at that point to explain things when you know you are in the company of mockers. Attempts to explain would simply go unheard.

Well, it’s late now. Will followup on this topic again.

Been a while since I wrote. I figured that there was nothing worth blogging over. Oh well, shall update about some ups and downs. A very important update here: A very prophetic minister of the Lord came to the church and boy..she was really filled with the Spirit. She told me that the devil had covered me with a cloak of depression which took my joy in the Lord but that is over and I was prophesied to become a joyful preacher.

I have no doubt about the prophesy. I have been going through a depressive time for a very long time and I know very firmly that once my joy in the Lord is gone, I will slip. That was what happened to me. So, the prophesy of the joyful preacher, that I was sure, would come about in God’s time. Undergoing a bit of discipleship with the girl who brought me back to that church. She is a patient girl who shows a genuine interest in my life and my bible sessions with her have shown both of us a lot of things. I am glad and thankful that God sent her along to help pick me up where I was down.

My boss is meeting me tomorrow. I’m putting it in God’s hands that I will go through it smoothly!

It’s my 2nd visit to the church today. Indeed, it has changed. The church I used to attend, closed down due to many issues, mainly to do with the leadership. But the church’s youth group was growing at a steady rate during that time. The adult fellowship was dispersed to many churches. But the youths remain and they built and sustained the church under a new vision, a new name, a new location, a new beginning. The church, as many of their youths tell me, is a church that moves with the Spirit, all of them were gifted in something that i can see clearly, with the gift of tongues, prophecy, leadership, music.

Especially the music. I was with the music ministry last time. But worship sessions never felt as filled with the Spirit as the 2 short sessions I have attended so far. I’mm glad God let the youths take over the church and gave it new life.

I’m beginning to think..this is the place where God wants me to be.

I just have to share this testimony here!!

Background:
For the past week, I’ve suddenly got my nerve pain back from the slip disc on the other side of my body. I suspect it was due to the back massager I used. So it was back to physio and this time it is not covered by the company, since I reached the cap last time. I expect to have to go back for another 3 sessions at least..so each session will cost me $65..total about $260.

Then on Sunday, I went to the dentist for fillings. I was told it would cost $60. When I got the bill, I got a shock..it was $240!!! It’s $60 for each tooth. Felt so cheated. So out of the blue, I had accumulated $300 in unexpected expenditure and another $200 coming. I was feeling so stressed coz I’ve used the budget for the party in one shot.

Miracle Part 1:
Then yesterday, while feeling vexed, I picked up the Daily Bread on my office desk. Flipping it, I suddenly felt like asking God that I am feeling very vexed..I don’t know what to pray for..please..speak to me about anything I need you to talk to me about! While praying I flipped the booklet left n right and ask God to stop me at the appropriate. Guess what happened?

I stopped at an entry on Aug 11 2009. It started with questions. I’m quoting out of context, but its the gist of it. “Am I a constant worrier? Am I worried about the future, debts, bills, health etc” Thunder n lightning struck in my mind..Oh my goodness..God is speaking to me! It immediately came to my mind of how I have been troubled over all of the above for the past week and I was at a complete loss at how I was gonna make it through the month till the next payday.

Now we all know there’s a teaching in every entry, this one was Cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you..You can imagine I was awed n speechless n excited. Reflecting further, it also talked about trust (my central, forever issue that He has to reinforce in me from time to time) in Him.
I decided to put my faith in His word because I know He just spoke to my heart. I prayed and told Him,

Dear Lord, I know you are speaking to me, I will take it in faith that You will take care of my worries, be it finance or health or anything that worries me, I believe that as long as I live by Your word to cast my cares upon You, You who cares for me, will take care of everything. I do not see how that will happen now, but by faith, I am placing my trust in You, no matter what happens, you are my Provider!

With that, I closed the matter in my heart that God will take care of my worries.

Miracle Part 2:
Today..my boss came. He came with a surprise for us..the “envelope” that we have all been eagerly waiting for and expecting to get in Jun. Just in time! It will be released to us this month..Yippee..my financial woes are OVER!!! My prayer yesterday immediately came to mind. God is SO GOOD and TIMELY!!!

Miracle Part 3:
This is about my nerve pain, although it is still there, pain has become minimal in a rather short period of time after just 1 session of physio, that to me is a miracle because the pain at its worst, was killing me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hasn’t happened yet, but I believe God will heal me in His time.
So I thank Him for His Providence and want to share this testimony with as many ppl as possible that my sweet, sweet Lord is a wonderful Lord who knows me when I don’t know myself, who provides for me what I need, who cares for me when it seems like no one does and who sees the big picture and is able to make everything beautiful in His time.

Hallelujah!! Praise and Glory unto His Name!

我曾说过，谁对我好，我会对他更好。谁对我怀，我会双倍奉还。这就是我对人的态度。在我的FB上也是这么写着。最近正在筹备我的生日派对，邀请了好多人，其中包括。。。他。

我看到了email notification, 犹豫了一会儿，他写了什么？会不会来？结果，他拒绝了。因为他还在中国，无法参与。可是，却很贴心的在FB留了祝福的msg. 天啊！你能不能别对我这么残忍？你对我的好，让我想对你更好。这样不是回到square 1?

我已经决心。。。放了。你这样的举动，会让我的决心动摇，难道你不知道吗？我想如果你像别人一样，就选择“不去”，不就成了？还写那么贴心的话。。。

别再对我好，能吗？

我，困惑。

I absolutely ABHOR the thought of making promises I do not keep, so I don’t make empty promises. When I make a promise, it’s the REAL DEAL. So, the least I ask of a friend, is to give me THAT RESPECT and if you make me a promise you keep it. Simple as that.

Some people however, are IMMENSELY irritating. Not only do they break their promise, they in turn, cause you break yours to your friend and land you in this kind of situation, which in short, is WORSE than me breaking a promise on my own.
And the worst thing? You take it so lightly as if it meant nothing to you.

Just because we are friends for so long, doesn’t mean you are privileged enough to step where you are not allowed to step on.

Just not too long ago, you ask me to help you with getting discounts with my uncle, I got it for you. Went the extra mile to get some more when I felt that the discount was too little. Yet, at the end of it, you told me you CHANGED YOUR MIND about it and decided to purchase from my uncle’s RIVAL business. I bet you never even put yourself in my shoes to think that I am owing my uncle a favour for YOUR sake..how selfish can you get? VERY.

It’s always about you, you YOU. HUH? Even my going for a retreat, putting the photos up, the buzz was about your upcoming bday at the same location rather than how the retreat went.
It’s always about you.

Problem with your in-law family? It’s about you ultimately. AGAIN, AS USUAL, nothing new. It’s you being YOU.

Only you can give Such an ‘endearing’ show of your respect for our friendship.

M: Dear Lord, it hurts. Please help me to learn to let go and be healed.

G: Very well, give it to Me.

M: OK. Here you go.

G: My child, you’re still holding onto it.

M: No..see..I put it in Your hands already. You have it.

G: Yes you did. I have it, but you’re still holding onto it.

M: Am I? I’m just so used to holding onto it..it’s difficult to give it up just like that. I know I have to..but I…I feel safer holding on..can I hold on while you help me?

G: I’m afraid the answer’s no..My child. You will never truely be free of it if you continue to hold on. Do not be afraid. I am in charge and you, you are my precious precious child..I will be your courage and strength as I’ve always promised you, remember Joshua 1:9? I have prepared the best things for you, and this is delaying their coming.

M: Yes..my Lord..I do..but this is breaking my heart and I’m just not sure if I can handle it..it’s been so long already. I asked you so many countless times to help but you didn’t answer my prayers.

G: In John 14:1, the very first verse I gave to you as a Christian, did I not ask you to trust in me? That was and is my Key verse for you to remember and live by, ALL your life! Everytime you have issues, it is also a trust issue between you and Me. You’ve never trusted Me completely as I’ve told you to.

That is why you think your prayers went unanswered. I tried to answer your prayer each time, but each time you did not mean it deep down in your heart. I see and know all things, remember? It broke My heart to see you that way.

That was your mind, your logic when you prayed, but it was your heart that decided a “No, I want to hold on”. I have given Man free will, I see your heart and will not compel you, as you know it, it was ultimately still your choice as to how this matter will end.

M: …Lord..I’m sorry for the previous times, You were right about them.. I’m really sorry to know that it broke Your heart to see me the way I am. This time, let it be different. I know for sure, and I’m willing to trust You that You’ll see me through.

Be my strength when I am weak, be my courage when I am fearful and show me what needs to be done that I may not intrude upon your healing hands..Alert me each time I try to take it from Your hands! I know it cannot be done all at once..so help me Lord!

G: My child..it is done. You may not see it now, but rest assured I do. Now I speak unto your heart, mind and soul, your entire being, Peace, Joy, Love, Strength and Courage from Me.

M: Thank you..my Lord..thank you..thank you for loving me in such unimaginable ways. I can’t describe that feeling, it’s beyond words..I need to rest now..talk to you again..THANK YOU..I really mean this..I LOVE YOU.

Didn’t know a search for the word “heartbreak” can lead this find.
~~~

The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem
God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces. ~Author Unknown

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown

I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. ~Missy Altijd

Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again. ~Rosa Parks

I thought when love for you died, I should die.
It’s dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.
~Rupert Brooke

When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. ~Author Unknown

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown

I hate the day, because it lendeth light
To see all things, but not my love to see.
~Edmund Spenser

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it’s clear that you don’t feel the same way for me… the problem is that as much as I can’t force you to love me, I can’t force myself to stop loving you. ~Author Unknown

They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you. ~Ezbeth Wilder

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

As soon as forever is through, I’ll be over you. ~Toto

Chanced upon this song in KTV on Sat. Been trying to drill it into me..

范玮琪 ~ 没那么爱他

你有权利情绪化
你不一定要坚强
便有些事情不能伪装
别为自己设了框

我懂失去的悲伤
也懂进退的挣扎
但想起过去都是失望
又何必要放不下

是习惯 还是爱
不放心 还是不甘心
只有你自己知道解答

其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
编织过的梦想
自己也可以抵达
谁说一定要有他

其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话
你就放得下

深呼吸 抬头望
发现天空很宽广
这世界 那么大
幸福总会在某个地方

其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
拥有过的计划
留给值得的对象
你知道 不会是他

其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话
你就放得下

He’s not appeared on FB since that last short unfinished conversation..as for me, despite all the talk about letting go..it’s difficult..like an addiction…a rather unhealthy one..psychologically. I could only describe these times of waiting..like withdrawal symptoms? Haa..Keep going online in FB to try if he is there..but he is not, and I end up disappointed and wondering why..I just thought the worst of things..Is he alright? We’ve not reached any conclusion..I can’t just let it stay that way..

I wanted to contact him..but I can’t..for some strange, unknown reason..I do not have that strength in me to do that..Just thinking that maybe I should add another pc of ‘wisdom words’..Love Hurts – stay away from love and you’ll never get that pain and ache in your heart? Afterall..if you never cared about that person, if they attempt to hurt you, you won’t get hurt much..but it cuts deeper if someone you cared about hurts u..whether in words..or any other forms.

Lord..help..help…help